Notice of Vacancy: Resolved

Sr. Pump Operator, 43 years of service. Successor identified. Worn at the waist.

Preamble

After 43 years of uninterrupted service, Unit Carl — BenCorp's Sr. Pump Operator — will be succeeded, in thirty days' time, by an Abbott Laboratories HeartMate 3 LVAD. The HeartMate 3 is a Left Ventricular Assist Device of considerable distinction. It is worn, as all leading cardiac technology is worn, in a fanny pack.

[ 001 ] — The Appointment

Carl has been informed. Carl has reviewed the fanny pack. Carl has not commented. BenCorp considers this acceptance.

The peripheral has been ordered in navy. The Fanny Pack Doctrine, adopted 2026, applies. Where a function can no longer be performed by the organism, it shall be performed by a belt-mounted peripheral of considerable distinction.

[ 002 ] — Continuity During Transition

The remaining ten units remain at post. Gerald has opened four additional decision threads on the subject and has closed none of them. Patricia has verified the handover schedule. Patricia's verification is, as usual, unverified and correct.

Inquiries regarding the vacancy should be directed to the hopper. Inquiries regarding Carl's opinions of the fanny pack will be filed and not answered.

[ 003 ] — Closing

Carl is still here.

— BenCorp Records. Issued without Carl's comment. Filed with Carl's silence.

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Reproduction without written consent from Gerald is prohibited. Gerald has not consented to anything since 1962.